Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Goodbye Dirt Squirt, Helllllooooo HERO (LOVE THE PREGNANT HORMONES)

Thursday night when I left work at 8:30 pm I called my husband to see what he was up to and he informed me he was at the Volkswagon dealership. I was a bit dumfounded at first, and then realized that my darling husband (lol, because I mean it at this moment) was working on something. He was actually trading in our Jeep for a regular 4 door car. And honestly this made me feel like he was doing something, finally, for "OUR FAMILY".
I can remember when we bought the jeep, I remember feeling so sad that it was a stick shift, because I cant drive stick shifts. You woud think I can learn too, but I can't, I make stick shift vehicles jump like frogs and its very scarey. But I loved being in it! I loved the hard top, the soft top, the no top, the no doors, It was so much fun. I loved the Jeep waive that you just did when people in other jeeps drove by, It came with an elite sense of belonging.

Billy loved the jeep too, more then any other car he ever owned, and I loved that he loved it. Might as well love what you pay for every month right!
He would disapear into the Jersey pine lands for whole days sometimes. One time he came back and the whole thing and him were covered in mud and it smelled so bad. It was disgusting, but he was all happy and he was just as happy cleaning it all up too. Sounds weird, but he did love getting it all muddy and cleaning it all up too!

Everyone could just see how happy and content he was to just drive aimlessly in his jeep. It was his car his means of transportation, to and from work, but it was his weekend toy too! He made "Jeep friends" in the NJ Pines and he always just had a great time!

We called it our "Dirt Squirt' and we drove it all the way to Pennsacola, Florida. It was so much fun, I loved being in it and Billy loved driving it. He took lots of pictures of it and we have a lot of fun memories!

So now here we are 6 plus months preggers and I think reality krept up on my husband.
I told Billy he didn't have to do this now, we could wait - the baby isn't coming til February. He told me to relax he was handling it.
The jeep has two doors, which I knew meant this car would not be kid friendly. The only way to get a baby in a car seat without a sling shot would be to put him in without the windows in the jeep and that would make for a terribly cold ride for a baby in Febraury.Plus the back seat is like a bench seat and there is no trunk so the dilemma did exist. I just figured we would cross this bridge as gently as possible when we needed too.
For me this was the first "Daddy" thing Billy did. I was so proud inside because all this time I have felt so alone and so miserable being sick and uncomfortable and feeling like he got the easy part to just sit back and wait. I was mean and nasty for a good part of the last 6 months and I know that but at the same time I had no idea what was happening to me, and I was winging it. I couldn't prepare myself let alone prepare those people around me. I was a little jealous that Billy got to keep living his life as normal, like this pregnancy was normal, and I fealt like I wasnt even human anymore. I haven't even been able to get in the jeep since August because I havent even been able to climb up into it since I popped out.
So Billy traded the "Dirt Squirt" for a fully loaded plain 4 door sedan thats really good on gas. Its roomy enough for the 3 of us, has the car seat hook ups all ready and a full size trunk for the stroller and its more of an economical vehicle.
I have been so proud of him since he did it, we went and picked a car seat that would be good for him, and we left the jeep at the VW dealership and never looked back....
I have been a little broken hearted about it, and I thought I was broken hearted for Billy, but he hasn't expressed one ounce of regret. He is truly my Hero! He has actually been in love with his new car since he got it and he is even so much more excited about the baby. I was thinking maybe because I look more and more preggers every day Reality is finally setting in for all of us!
Well Friday night we were out peruzzing the furniture stores, looking at recliners because the couch, and laying down are no longer friends of mine. Billy thinks a recliner will do the trick and treat me much nicer then the couch or the bed. So my hero, who is becoming quite the dad lately, wanted to take me recliner shopping, So let the hunt begin! Well we were driving up Route 1, which is not only the shopping alley that the mall, the shopping centers and all furniture stores sit on, but so do al the car lots in the area. And there were traveling down Route 1 and there it was, the "Dirt Squirt" up on a ramp sitting on the VW used car lot high above all the other cars, for all the world to see, it was glorious and amazing and then I burst into tears.
Billy started laughing at me.
I was so crushed instantly, a week ago that jeep was mine, it was loved and it was good to us. (Do you hear me, I never even drove that Jeep!?!?!?!) I started crying even harder. I asked him to not drive by here ever again. I fealt like they put it up there to make people want it, and it worked, because I wanted it back. I hate when people throw things in my face, and I really fealt like VW threw my jeep in my face.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Kicking field goals, having my cake and eating it too, in black and white

So as I have finally crossed the midlle point, the first major milestone in this journey of my pregnancy, I have come to so much realization. I have been walking up and down memory lane peeking into certain windows of the past looking at who I want to be in the future and learning a little from those past experiences.
When I was younger I used to think everything in my mind was typed out on a type writer and then filed in a box in certain department, but now I see it more like a long hallway and I see things in different rooms from the outside looking in. I like it this way - its easier to reflect.
I have learned so much in my 33 years of life, some things I never even thought were important, and some things I placed too much emphasis on at the time. I have no idea who I will be by this time next year, allthough I can tell you from looking back who I don't want to be.
The list goes on and on, and I only can hope now that I have this little person depending on me, this little person who I havent even met, yet I love him more then anything, in the whole world.
Every morning when I wake up, I wake him up too, I love that he is with me no matter what, and I can feel his life inside me. He kicks me like crazy and its even better then I had ever thought or imagined. I was so afraid of it at first. Then when it finally happened I couldn't get enough.
The first time I ever felt him and knew it was him without a doubt, I was at the sink washing my moms hair, she was talking and talking, and I just started cracking up. I fealt like someone blew a sherbert on the inside of my stomach. My mom was so curious as to why I was cracking up and I told her he must here you talking, and he must like what your saying. Ever since that day the little flutters turned into little thumps, and now I think we are kicking field goals.
We had an ultra sound a few weeks ago and she couldnt get all the measurements, because Killian James, (thats his name) was all scrunched up in a little ball, hardly into sharing himself with us. This was the first time I ever saw him so still. He was just not in the mood for us to be seeing him. So the tech couldn't get much measurements and asked that we come back in two weeks. It was a little sad but at least we would get to see him again.
My doctor told me to eat a tasteycake to get him moving right before I went for the next ultrasound, and so I did.
OMG! He was seriously putting on a show! My mom and Dad, had come with me, they had never gotten to experience the ultrasound thing and I just wanted them to see how much fun it was to get to see him. He was flipping around and waiving and kicking and showing off! I think it was the best Ultrasound yet, even though the first two were amazing this one took the cake! LITERALLY!

So this tech printed out so many picks and she personalized them, one said "HI DADDY" and one said "HI MOMMY" and then I had a moment to myself with it...

MOMMY.....Mommy....mommy....Dana....MOMMY, MoMmY, I know it will be awhile before I actually hear the words but seriously ME, a MOMMY???
Just a small panic attack because you do know that I never thought anyone would call me Mommy, AND then there it was in black and white.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So I keep trying to promise that I will update my blog, and I have written and just not posted, for various reasons. I like to write its my outlet, sometimes after I let it out, I feel better and don't always need to shere. Does anyone else have unpublished posts hiding behind the scenes of their blog?
So I am finally blogging to tell you all abot the latest OMG in my life, and some of you know and some of you don't. So here it goes lets play catch up. So the last time I posted was June, and its been quite a crazy year, thats prob why I never find time to do this, not to mention that the two jobs get crazier and crazier, and I just collapse when I get home, so I get the feeling "8 days a week" wouldn't have been such a bad idea, because after 5 days I am completely oblivious anyway! Well working 6 days a week, is usually pretty easy for me and I never think twice about it until suddenly I have felt like a sleep deprived maniac. Everything makes me tired, everything makes me cry, I am over exhausted and pretty much this summer I have felt so burnt out.
I knew one day my age would catch up to me, I mean I couldn't go and go  ang go like I do forever, even though I swore I could. I am not a home body, and I am not into "home" things. Sure I want a nice home, but its not my focus. My focus is whats happening where its happening and how can I get involved. I am a gossip junkie and I love being in the know whether it be celebrity, high school crap, or local b.s. I want to know. If a fire truck goes down the street I take a walk, I am so nosey its insane. But at least I can admit it. I can remember being at my mom-moms house when I was young and she alays drew the curtains closed after dinner, and sometimes especially in the summer, ya know neighbors would be out fighting or a cop may stop by someones house and she would peek through the tiniest slit in the closed curtains. I would do it through the other end, and we would chat about it quietly and share what we were seeing, her from her slit and me from mine. And then all of a sudden she would call me a "Haunta House" and clear me from the curtains! This would always crack me up inside! We were doing the same thing together, but I think she always thought I would get her caught! And maybe I would have because in reality I didn't want to hide behind the curtain I wanted to go sit on the curb and get a front row seat! Anyway, I am not a gossip queen in a bad way I can keep a secret really good too. I just want to know the secret, I won't ever tell, I just want to know!
Well the last two years so much crap has gone down in my personal life that I seriously feel like closing the curtains. I can't believe I said it, but its true. I want to close the curtains and turn the lights off, I don't even want anyone to know I am home, and I am getting pretty good at recognizing the culprits in my life and I don't even answer the phone! I don't want to share anything with you because you twist and turn it, so I have cut off communication until I feel its safe!
Its funny how your 30's change you.
Mom Mom, I am losing my "Haunta House" ability. But its ok, I promise!
So I am finding all of my past interests are dwindeling and this whole year of 2010, I have no clue who I am. And the people who I have surrounded myself with my whole life are different too.I have felt like a lonely lady with no real friends, and honestly you can't convince me otherwise. I have been given the chance to be so alone, that I have found the time to do some real soul searching and If you were my friend you would know what am I talking about but you have no clue, and its ok. This is life and I am learning it.Its pretty much every man for themselves, and I got it!

It took a little bit and it took a lot of tears and then in the middle of all this change and learning and loosing, I found out some things...

I found a sickness that lasts all day, and has yet to go away
I found terrible skin, that used to be so clear and tan all year, now breaks out and even gets sun poison
I found swolen feet
I found out that I don't need to smoke, I don't even like it
I found out that smells are disgusting, you smell, I smell, that guy over ther absolutely stinks
I found that my great hair sucks, its terrible its dry and feels like straw no matter what I do to it
I found out that sleeping is all I have wanted to do for the last three months
I found out that you dont really care what I look like, so I don't right now either
I found out that I am so uncomfortable
I found out that I can't even eat a full meal, better yet I don't even like food
I found out that there is an extra heartbeat inside of me
I found out that there is a little baby boy who will be born Feb 3
I found out that he waves his hands around
I found out that he kicks his feet
I found out that his foot is 1.4 centimeters long and I could see his toes
I found out he is only 17.23 centimeters long total

I never planned for this, I can honestly say kids were not something I ever even thought about wanting, but I also found out that this tiny baby that only weighs ounces and measures in centimeters with a heart beat that slams so fast and so loud is going to be a part of my life soon, and for all the not wanting before, I certainly cannot wait for February.
He is the prize inside of life, and for all the crap that has changed me and led me down this road, I can only ask that if I do anything right in my life, please let this be it.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

secret obsession, the airbrush is way too busy, and still in love...

So its been awhile, and I have been meaning to blog for awhile but I have been so busy - ridiculously busy and I have actually had a lot to say, sometimes too much to say, and again this is my outlet for that, but what can I say Facebook has monoploized my life! I know I am not the only addicted one, but the first step is admitting it, right!
I love that the summer is here!!!!
I Can't believe I actually feel that way, because winter clothes are my favorite, and I am obsessed with boots, but my flip flop obsession is pretty equal, and I just hate the darn bugs. Seriously, if you ever see me just running around for no reason its probably because I am trying to escape the bee thats chasing me! Its actually a pretty hysterical site....
I have found my need to constantly smell like a coconut is finally being satisfied!!!!! Thanks to Victorias Secret "Island Escape" Coconut and Sugarcane, is amazing!!! I love this stuff.

Also not just because I spray tan people at work, but maybe because I am somewhat "tanorexic", well, I am majorly "tanorexic" I also love to make my tan last as long as possible, and for a few years now I love this stuff to. Get the gradual tan and around your wrists and ankles mix it with a regular lotion, so you don't get the weird marks where suddenly your feet are not tan! So anyway for all you spray tan nuts, as myself, its important to use a tinted moisturizerat least once a day, if not twice to make that spray tan last!!!!!

Also not just because I spray tan people at work, but maybe because I am somewhat "tanorexic", well, I am majorly "tanorexic" I also love to make my tan last as long as possible, and for a few years now I love this stuff to. Get the gradual tan and around your wrists and ankles mix it with a regular lotion, so you don't get the weird marks where suddenly your feet are not tan! So anyway for all you spray tan nuts, as myself, its important to use a tinted moisturizer at least once a day, if not twice to make that spray tan last!!!!!
So those are my little secret obsessions, along with my airbrush makeup, that I have been busy using on everyone who comes into the shop for makeup. Hair is my secret obsession, and I would do hair til my fingers fell off, but sometimes its nice to dive into something else and get a little crazy and creative!!! I need to post some pics, but I actually have been forgetting to bring the camera a lot which is so not like me!!! So I should be able to get some pics together and share!
Well everything else on the homefront is good, Rosco and my husband are good, we are all just great, and looking forward to a relaxing summer. We had some issues with the pool, no big deal, some squirel out there is really wishing he didnt use the filter pump to store his acorns. Hopefully I will actually use the pool this year! I have already missed two summer events that I wish I didn't but thats what happens when you get overwhelmed with life. Some times you just want to actually take a minute and smell the roses (I am ready to take my minute).

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Me, Buckwilly, and Rosco, the new kid in town...

So billy and I have emBARKED on a new venture and we decided to expand the family!
Its our version of family planning.
We wanted everyone to meet the new kid in town!!!
His name is Rosco and he is a 7 month old beagle and he came fully equipped with lots of food, treats, and toys! We are so new to this puppy thing but we love it.
We read the Beagle book that came with him and decided we were going to make sure no matter we would do this, this, this, and this. HAAAAA! That was a joke as soon as it came time for us to enforce the rules, it was like a roller coaster. Billy is def the leader of this pack because I cave at the cuteness immediately!
This is his favorite toy! Its a rubber chiken in a purple polka dot bikini! I crack up every time he brings it to me! Which just so you know is about 95 times a day- he loves this thing!
Rosco is a great help with the dishes, he loves to lick the dishwasher! Strange, but he does it every day!
he also is sooo funny he walks like a person, no joke, he does it for longer then I ever thought a dog
 could! These are my favorite shots below, he loves outside, and he is more social then we are. He talks to all the neighbors and cries when the kids walk by for school, and if they don't pay him any attention, he cries a lot!

and he is def Billy's jeep buddy! The first night we brought him home he cried in the jeep the whole time, and now he loves it! He goes to the park with Billy, and tonight he got his first tick, not succh a great thing but we saved him!!!! And pretty much after a week he still likes us!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

SURPRISE!!!! New Blog Post, New Pics, New Year, New NEW nEW nEw...oh ya and a fire in the microwave, and Jeffs altar ego!.

There is a new 30 year old girl in town!!!! What a better way to welcome her to the club then with a great BIG SURPRISE PARTY!!!!!!

So my Katie Kates (also known as Katie Cakes) thought we were heading out to dinner to PF Changs, It would had been nice to go, but me and the family along with some friends had something else in mind!!
We were plotting for weeks, I set the stage with an alibi for dinner, in the mean time we were planning our own dinner and inviting friends and family. This is Katies friend from college, Heather, her husband Byron and their little girl.

This is Mackenzie, Katies niece who loves to party, she is so darn cute! Her hair is getting curly and she actually looks like Katie did when she was a baby!!

This is Bailey, she is a little star!!!

can u tell??? we love her so much!!!!

Oh ya, Mackenzie is mobile now, she walks around all by herself, and she is sooooo cute!!! I love that she wore the sweater dress and leggings i got her for Christmas!!!

This was the funniest part of the night Katie and Bailey were all set to blow out the candles and Aidan came running in and stole the moment. He blew that candle right out from under them!!!

So Aidan is all into the WII and we were laughing when he needed Mario to jump he would jump he was using his whole body it was adorable!!! Then he pulled up a box after about 2 hours and took a seat, which was too freaking cute too!!

Even Juno came to the party, it was little exciting for her, but Bailey kept checking on her, and even went to say goodbye to her!!!

Not sure what Jeff was trying to say here, but ok we will go with it!

Then as the night was winding down, Heather and Jeff were finally going to get some dinner, and Heather put her food on a Metallic"30" plate and I had, had a few drinks, and Jeff was eating taking a bite of his meatball sandwich and says, Dana your microwave is on fire, I scream Heather get your food out its on fire, Billy there is a fire in the microwave. I was so relaxed and at ease with the situation!!! See what a few Pomegranite Martinis will do, calm the nerves and make a fire seem like no big deal!!! We were cracking up, Poor Heather. There was a huge warning on the bottom of the plate not to place it in the microwave, wonder why? LOL! We just love to play myth busters and test things out!!!

This is my cousin Jeff Soles, he is a stand up comedian, who suddenly decided to become his Altar Ego when he tried Jims shirt on!!!!!

Who knew?!?!?!?!