Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Kicking field goals, having my cake and eating it too, in black and white

So as I have finally crossed the midlle point, the first major milestone in this journey of my pregnancy, I have come to so much realization. I have been walking up and down memory lane peeking into certain windows of the past looking at who I want to be in the future and learning a little from those past experiences.
When I was younger I used to think everything in my mind was typed out on a type writer and then filed in a box in certain department, but now I see it more like a long hallway and I see things in different rooms from the outside looking in. I like it this way - its easier to reflect.
I have learned so much in my 33 years of life, some things I never even thought were important, and some things I placed too much emphasis on at the time. I have no idea who I will be by this time next year, allthough I can tell you from looking back who I don't want to be.
The list goes on and on, and I only can hope now that I have this little person depending on me, this little person who I havent even met, yet I love him more then anything, in the whole world.
Every morning when I wake up, I wake him up too, I love that he is with me no matter what, and I can feel his life inside me. He kicks me like crazy and its even better then I had ever thought or imagined. I was so afraid of it at first. Then when it finally happened I couldn't get enough.
The first time I ever felt him and knew it was him without a doubt, I was at the sink washing my moms hair, she was talking and talking, and I just started cracking up. I fealt like someone blew a sherbert on the inside of my stomach. My mom was so curious as to why I was cracking up and I told her he must here you talking, and he must like what your saying. Ever since that day the little flutters turned into little thumps, and now I think we are kicking field goals.
We had an ultra sound a few weeks ago and she couldnt get all the measurements, because Killian James, (thats his name) was all scrunched up in a little ball, hardly into sharing himself with us. This was the first time I ever saw him so still. He was just not in the mood for us to be seeing him. So the tech couldn't get much measurements and asked that we come back in two weeks. It was a little sad but at least we would get to see him again.
My doctor told me to eat a tasteycake to get him moving right before I went for the next ultrasound, and so I did.
OMG! He was seriously putting on a show! My mom and Dad, had come with me, they had never gotten to experience the ultrasound thing and I just wanted them to see how much fun it was to get to see him. He was flipping around and waiving and kicking and showing off! I think it was the best Ultrasound yet, even though the first two were amazing this one took the cake! LITERALLY!

So this tech printed out so many picks and she personalized them, one said "HI DADDY" and one said "HI MOMMY" and then I had a moment to myself with it...

MOMMY.....Mommy....mommy....Dana....MOMMY, MoMmY, I know it will be awhile before I actually hear the words but seriously ME, a MOMMY???
Just a small panic attack because you do know that I never thought anyone would call me Mommy, AND then there it was in black and white.


Gessika said...

I have been waiting for a new post & I don't even know why, because I cry everytime you post about this baby! I guess I just never thought I would see the day, Dana, a mommy! I love it and I love you!!!!

Daily dose of Dana said...

love u too, never thought i would participate in any of this either! i just saw someone left a comment 10 minutes after i post and i knew it had to be you!!! my next post will crack u up! promise i wrote it just need the pics!!!

Lena's Life said...

I am so glad u have a new post! I am also glad you are feeling him kick, that is the best feeling in the world, nothing will ever compare...I can't wait to meet Killian, and him and Kenadee can hang at the pool this summer! YEAH! ! ! !

Heather said...

What a lucky little boy.

Jeff said...

I have to say I'm more surprised than you with loving this whole experience. I was the biggest doubter of them all! Now I can't wait to go and hang out with Mommy, Daddy, Killian and Rosco all at once!

Semicharmed said...

Feeling them kick and move around is the best feeling! To know and feel a little life inside of you is magical, enjoy every single second of it.
Also, so agree - having a baby really makes you second guess the person you are vs. who you want to be. You want to be your best possible self for this little person, and you know what? You will. There is no doubt in my mind you will be an amazing mom.