Thursday, July 28, 2011

These Are a Few of Our Favorite Things....

Oh my the sounds that are filling this house! (Especially the one that filled the house accompanied by smoke as I typed away here and forgot about the boiling noodles on the stove)...

You are more then thrilled when the people on TV talk, I think you think they are talking to you, Actually I am sure you think they are talking to you and I love how you react!  You are starting to crack up and giggle and as adorable as it is, so is your whining. It takes a lot to get you to a full blown cry but you willingly whine!  I love the whining giggle combo! That makes me feel like you are just recognizing yourself making sounds and I don't care who says what, thats what I think!

You love your Daddy. You love watching tv with him and when Daddy gets home from work your all about hanging out with him. Its so cute when he gets home from work and you notice him and you get all excited. Its one of the best parts of the day.

You love the pool! I wasn't sure about letting you in there and you loved laying on the raft and seriously just enjoying the lazy day in the pool, and then when we held you, you were splashing all over and having a blast. You were splashing the water up in your facing and spitting it, and you were cracking us up!

You love bouncing in your jumparoo, so much that one day you literally bounced yourself to sleep. If I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it.

You LOVE food, your crazy for your bottle, you actually stalk for it! You will follow with your eyes and cry for the empty bottle you just finished. And you love bananas, carrots, green beans, squash, sweet potato, apples, pears, peaches but you don't like PEAS!

I love how you gasp a few breaths of air and then scream out HAH HAH HAH, and each HAH gets louder. You are starting to chat it up a little with your toys in the car and in your crib. You do love your glo-worm when your in your crib, we have even caught you holding it against your face.

Lately you have been taking your two tiny little hands and grabbing our cheeks and then you cuddle your little cheek against ours and it is truly the best feeling I have ever experienced in my life. I even swear your trying to give kisses. We love to each take one of your cheeks at the same time and just smother you with kisses and the best part is you love it and you crack up! I wish everyone could hear your little laugh because it is the best sound ever. Your always smiling, and there isn't a day that goes by where I swear time stands still while I get all caught up in you and I love every second of it. I am truly thankful that God gave you to me and I never knew how much I needed you in my life. I love you Killian James, and even though your just short of six months old I cannot remember life without you.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I hope you don't mind...(my creativity is lacking while my sensitivity is kicking....)

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Welcome To My Silly Life...your perfect....

Well its been a while once again, and I don't even know where to begin!
Lets start with February 9, 2011, 6pm to be exact....

 Exactly 23 hours after we arrived at the hospital, a failed attempt to induce labor twice, and after some floor pacing, here you were! We had so much time to prepare, and yet nothing in the world could have prepared me for this. I think the second you entered the world and probably for the next 24 hours I felt like we were the only three people in it. I got to spend two hours completely alone getting to know my 8lb. 12 oz. baby boy. You have ten fingers and ten toes, I think you will have your dads hair and maybe my silly faces. We named you Killian James and we couldn't wait to share with you with the world. You were our personal little miracle and the love that poured out of me was uncontrollable and I don't think I will ever be the same person again.

There is so much I want to share with you, so much I can't wait to tell you, so much I want to give you, and I can't wait for you to experience it all.
I can't wait for you to meet the family, and everyone who will love you to pieces forever.
I love your squeaky little cry, and I know its not gonna last too long, because soon its gonna be a big demanding cry, but right now I could listen to you squeak forever...
You are just this little amazing person, and even though you don't say much, and you don't take up much space, you sure do mean a lot, and around here your gonna be very important.
 I just hope your happy here, and I hope you know we love you forever no matter what, and I just want you to know your perfect, and I don't think life can get any better then this. I think I have figured out who I am...your mom, and thats the greatest accomplishment of mine so far.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Goodbye Dirt Squirt, Helllllooooo HERO (LOVE THE PREGNANT HORMONES)

Thursday night when I left work at 8:30 pm I called my husband to see what he was up to and he informed me he was at the Volkswagon dealership. I was a bit dumfounded at first, and then realized that my darling husband (lol, because I mean it at this moment) was working on something. He was actually trading in our Jeep for a regular 4 door car. And honestly this made me feel like he was doing something, finally, for "OUR FAMILY".
I can remember when we bought the jeep, I remember feeling so sad that it was a stick shift, because I cant drive stick shifts. You woud think I can learn too, but I can't, I make stick shift vehicles jump like frogs and its very scarey. But I loved being in it! I loved the hard top, the soft top, the no top, the no doors, It was so much fun. I loved the Jeep waive that you just did when people in other jeeps drove by, It came with an elite sense of belonging.

Billy loved the jeep too, more then any other car he ever owned, and I loved that he loved it. Might as well love what you pay for every month right!
He would disapear into the Jersey pine lands for whole days sometimes. One time he came back and the whole thing and him were covered in mud and it smelled so bad. It was disgusting, but he was all happy and he was just as happy cleaning it all up too. Sounds weird, but he did love getting it all muddy and cleaning it all up too!

Everyone could just see how happy and content he was to just drive aimlessly in his jeep. It was his car his means of transportation, to and from work, but it was his weekend toy too! He made "Jeep friends" in the NJ Pines and he always just had a great time!

We called it our "Dirt Squirt' and we drove it all the way to Pennsacola, Florida. It was so much fun, I loved being in it and Billy loved driving it. He took lots of pictures of it and we have a lot of fun memories!

So now here we are 6 plus months preggers and I think reality krept up on my husband.
I told Billy he didn't have to do this now, we could wait - the baby isn't coming til February. He told me to relax he was handling it.
The jeep has two doors, which I knew meant this car would not be kid friendly. The only way to get a baby in a car seat without a sling shot would be to put him in without the windows in the jeep and that would make for a terribly cold ride for a baby in Febraury.Plus the back seat is like a bench seat and there is no trunk so the dilemma did exist. I just figured we would cross this bridge as gently as possible when we needed too.
For me this was the first "Daddy" thing Billy did. I was so proud inside because all this time I have felt so alone and so miserable being sick and uncomfortable and feeling like he got the easy part to just sit back and wait. I was mean and nasty for a good part of the last 6 months and I know that but at the same time I had no idea what was happening to me, and I was winging it. I couldn't prepare myself let alone prepare those people around me. I was a little jealous that Billy got to keep living his life as normal, like this pregnancy was normal, and I fealt like I wasnt even human anymore. I haven't even been able to get in the jeep since August because I havent even been able to climb up into it since I popped out.
So Billy traded the "Dirt Squirt" for a fully loaded plain 4 door sedan thats really good on gas. Its roomy enough for the 3 of us, has the car seat hook ups all ready and a full size trunk for the stroller and its more of an economical vehicle.
I have been so proud of him since he did it, we went and picked a car seat that would be good for him, and we left the jeep at the VW dealership and never looked back....
I have been a little broken hearted about it, and I thought I was broken hearted for Billy, but he hasn't expressed one ounce of regret. He is truly my Hero! He has actually been in love with his new car since he got it and he is even so much more excited about the baby. I was thinking maybe because I look more and more preggers every day Reality is finally setting in for all of us!
Well Friday night we were out peruzzing the furniture stores, looking at recliners because the couch, and laying down are no longer friends of mine. Billy thinks a recliner will do the trick and treat me much nicer then the couch or the bed. So my hero, who is becoming quite the dad lately, wanted to take me recliner shopping, So let the hunt begin! Well we were driving up Route 1, which is not only the shopping alley that the mall, the shopping centers and all furniture stores sit on, but so do al the car lots in the area. And there were traveling down Route 1 and there it was, the "Dirt Squirt" up on a ramp sitting on the VW used car lot high above all the other cars, for all the world to see, it was glorious and amazing and then I burst into tears.
Billy started laughing at me.
I was so crushed instantly, a week ago that jeep was mine, it was loved and it was good to us. (Do you hear me, I never even drove that Jeep!?!?!?!) I started crying even harder. I asked him to not drive by here ever again. I fealt like they put it up there to make people want it, and it worked, because I wanted it back. I hate when people throw things in my face, and I really fealt like VW threw my jeep in my face.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Kicking field goals, having my cake and eating it too, in black and white

So as I have finally crossed the midlle point, the first major milestone in this journey of my pregnancy, I have come to so much realization. I have been walking up and down memory lane peeking into certain windows of the past looking at who I want to be in the future and learning a little from those past experiences.
When I was younger I used to think everything in my mind was typed out on a type writer and then filed in a box in certain department, but now I see it more like a long hallway and I see things in different rooms from the outside looking in. I like it this way - its easier to reflect.
I have learned so much in my 33 years of life, some things I never even thought were important, and some things I placed too much emphasis on at the time. I have no idea who I will be by this time next year, allthough I can tell you from looking back who I don't want to be.
The list goes on and on, and I only can hope now that I have this little person depending on me, this little person who I havent even met, yet I love him more then anything, in the whole world.
Every morning when I wake up, I wake him up too, I love that he is with me no matter what, and I can feel his life inside me. He kicks me like crazy and its even better then I had ever thought or imagined. I was so afraid of it at first. Then when it finally happened I couldn't get enough.
The first time I ever felt him and knew it was him without a doubt, I was at the sink washing my moms hair, she was talking and talking, and I just started cracking up. I fealt like someone blew a sherbert on the inside of my stomach. My mom was so curious as to why I was cracking up and I told her he must here you talking, and he must like what your saying. Ever since that day the little flutters turned into little thumps, and now I think we are kicking field goals.
We had an ultra sound a few weeks ago and she couldnt get all the measurements, because Killian James, (thats his name) was all scrunched up in a little ball, hardly into sharing himself with us. This was the first time I ever saw him so still. He was just not in the mood for us to be seeing him. So the tech couldn't get much measurements and asked that we come back in two weeks. It was a little sad but at least we would get to see him again.
My doctor told me to eat a tasteycake to get him moving right before I went for the next ultrasound, and so I did.
OMG! He was seriously putting on a show! My mom and Dad, had come with me, they had never gotten to experience the ultrasound thing and I just wanted them to see how much fun it was to get to see him. He was flipping around and waiving and kicking and showing off! I think it was the best Ultrasound yet, even though the first two were amazing this one took the cake! LITERALLY!

So this tech printed out so many picks and she personalized them, one said "HI DADDY" and one said "HI MOMMY" and then I had a moment to myself with it...

MOMMY.....Mommy....mommy....Dana....MOMMY, MoMmY, I know it will be awhile before I actually hear the words but seriously ME, a MOMMY???
Just a small panic attack because you do know that I never thought anyone would call me Mommy, AND then there it was in black and white.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So I keep trying to promise that I will update my blog, and I have written and just not posted, for various reasons. I like to write its my outlet, sometimes after I let it out, I feel better and don't always need to shere. Does anyone else have unpublished posts hiding behind the scenes of their blog?
So I am finally blogging to tell you all abot the latest OMG in my life, and some of you know and some of you don't. So here it goes lets play catch up. So the last time I posted was June, and its been quite a crazy year, thats prob why I never find time to do this, not to mention that the two jobs get crazier and crazier, and I just collapse when I get home, so I get the feeling "8 days a week" wouldn't have been such a bad idea, because after 5 days I am completely oblivious anyway! Well working 6 days a week, is usually pretty easy for me and I never think twice about it until suddenly I have felt like a sleep deprived maniac. Everything makes me tired, everything makes me cry, I am over exhausted and pretty much this summer I have felt so burnt out.
I knew one day my age would catch up to me, I mean I couldn't go and go  ang go like I do forever, even though I swore I could. I am not a home body, and I am not into "home" things. Sure I want a nice home, but its not my focus. My focus is whats happening where its happening and how can I get involved. I am a gossip junkie and I love being in the know whether it be celebrity, high school crap, or local b.s. I want to know. If a fire truck goes down the street I take a walk, I am so nosey its insane. But at least I can admit it. I can remember being at my mom-moms house when I was young and she alays drew the curtains closed after dinner, and sometimes especially in the summer, ya know neighbors would be out fighting or a cop may stop by someones house and she would peek through the tiniest slit in the closed curtains. I would do it through the other end, and we would chat about it quietly and share what we were seeing, her from her slit and me from mine. And then all of a sudden she would call me a "Haunta House" and clear me from the curtains! This would always crack me up inside! We were doing the same thing together, but I think she always thought I would get her caught! And maybe I would have because in reality I didn't want to hide behind the curtain I wanted to go sit on the curb and get a front row seat! Anyway, I am not a gossip queen in a bad way I can keep a secret really good too. I just want to know the secret, I won't ever tell, I just want to know!
Well the last two years so much crap has gone down in my personal life that I seriously feel like closing the curtains. I can't believe I said it, but its true. I want to close the curtains and turn the lights off, I don't even want anyone to know I am home, and I am getting pretty good at recognizing the culprits in my life and I don't even answer the phone! I don't want to share anything with you because you twist and turn it, so I have cut off communication until I feel its safe!
Its funny how your 30's change you.
Mom Mom, I am losing my "Haunta House" ability. But its ok, I promise!
So I am finding all of my past interests are dwindeling and this whole year of 2010, I have no clue who I am. And the people who I have surrounded myself with my whole life are different too.I have felt like a lonely lady with no real friends, and honestly you can't convince me otherwise. I have been given the chance to be so alone, that I have found the time to do some real soul searching and If you were my friend you would know what am I talking about but you have no clue, and its ok. This is life and I am learning it.Its pretty much every man for themselves, and I got it!

It took a little bit and it took a lot of tears and then in the middle of all this change and learning and loosing, I found out some things...

I found a sickness that lasts all day, and has yet to go away
I found terrible skin, that used to be so clear and tan all year, now breaks out and even gets sun poison
I found swolen feet
I found out that I don't need to smoke, I don't even like it
I found out that smells are disgusting, you smell, I smell, that guy over ther absolutely stinks
I found that my great hair sucks, its terrible its dry and feels like straw no matter what I do to it
I found out that sleeping is all I have wanted to do for the last three months
I found out that you dont really care what I look like, so I don't right now either
I found out that I am so uncomfortable
I found out that I can't even eat a full meal, better yet I don't even like food
I found out that there is an extra heartbeat inside of me
I found out that there is a little baby boy who will be born Feb 3
I found out that he waves his hands around
I found out that he kicks his feet
I found out that his foot is 1.4 centimeters long and I could see his toes
I found out he is only 17.23 centimeters long total

I never planned for this, I can honestly say kids were not something I ever even thought about wanting, but I also found out that this tiny baby that only weighs ounces and measures in centimeters with a heart beat that slams so fast and so loud is going to be a part of my life soon, and for all the not wanting before, I certainly cannot wait for February.
He is the prize inside of life, and for all the crap that has changed me and led me down this road, I can only ask that if I do anything right in my life, please let this be it.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

secret obsession, the airbrush is way too busy, and still in love...

So its been awhile, and I have been meaning to blog for awhile but I have been so busy - ridiculously busy and I have actually had a lot to say, sometimes too much to say, and again this is my outlet for that, but what can I say Facebook has monoploized my life! I know I am not the only addicted one, but the first step is admitting it, right!
I love that the summer is here!!!!
I Can't believe I actually feel that way, because winter clothes are my favorite, and I am obsessed with boots, but my flip flop obsession is pretty equal, and I just hate the darn bugs. Seriously, if you ever see me just running around for no reason its probably because I am trying to escape the bee thats chasing me! Its actually a pretty hysterical site....
I have found my need to constantly smell like a coconut is finally being satisfied!!!!! Thanks to Victorias Secret "Island Escape" Coconut and Sugarcane, is amazing!!! I love this stuff.

Also not just because I spray tan people at work, but maybe because I am somewhat "tanorexic", well, I am majorly "tanorexic" I also love to make my tan last as long as possible, and for a few years now I love this stuff to. Get the gradual tan and around your wrists and ankles mix it with a regular lotion, so you don't get the weird marks where suddenly your feet are not tan! So anyway for all you spray tan nuts, as myself, its important to use a tinted moisturizerat least once a day, if not twice to make that spray tan last!!!!!

Also not just because I spray tan people at work, but maybe because I am somewhat "tanorexic", well, I am majorly "tanorexic" I also love to make my tan last as long as possible, and for a few years now I love this stuff to. Get the gradual tan and around your wrists and ankles mix it with a regular lotion, so you don't get the weird marks where suddenly your feet are not tan! So anyway for all you spray tan nuts, as myself, its important to use a tinted moisturizer at least once a day, if not twice to make that spray tan last!!!!!
So those are my little secret obsessions, along with my airbrush makeup, that I have been busy using on everyone who comes into the shop for makeup. Hair is my secret obsession, and I would do hair til my fingers fell off, but sometimes its nice to dive into something else and get a little crazy and creative!!! I need to post some pics, but I actually have been forgetting to bring the camera a lot which is so not like me!!! So I should be able to get some pics together and share!
Well everything else on the homefront is good, Rosco and my husband are good, we are all just great, and looking forward to a relaxing summer. We had some issues with the pool, no big deal, some squirel out there is really wishing he didnt use the filter pump to store his acorns. Hopefully I will actually use the pool this year! I have already missed two summer events that I wish I didn't but thats what happens when you get overwhelmed with life. Some times you just want to actually take a minute and smell the roses (I am ready to take my minute).