Friday, April 24, 2009

what happens when I am not looking at me....(just a little hold my breath, here I go, Jump in, and hope I come back up!!!! )

I have just paused on everything as I feel like I am in the biggest overload ever. This "crunch" is worse then full time work and school, and finally things are falling into place, or are they?
I never know what path to take, and I never know whats really right for me, I never act on impulse allthough I think I do when I am not even looking, and thats when it works best for me. (I think about that and it actually makes sense).
I only know whats in my heart even though that contradicts where my loyalties lye.
Every step I take since I was born has been with an excessive amount of thought and an overwhelming amount of emotion.
I am so different then you, I know that you know it too!
I don't want the same things as you, my heart beats to its own drum, life is nice but I am shooting for the stars!
What happened to me when I wasn't looking, where do I go in my dreams, Why am I this person who fears cjange, and if I fear it so much why do I make it.
I get kicked in the gut everytime I think I am right, doesn't matter I get kicked in the gut when I think everything is fine.
Why do I agonize over peoples thoughts, feelings, and why do I forget my own?
Why does my huge heart that cares for so many get crushed when I am choosing which path to walk on?
Why does change come with so much support from everyone except myself,why do I feel so bad?
My life is hanging in the balance of "can I make it? Can I be me and make it, Life is a gamble isn't that what they say? Did anyone tell life that I am a gamble?
Why can't I just live life rather then researching it? Or why do I have so many reservations when it comes to the obvious next step?
Here I am world - this is me, this is who I will be forever, I have arrived and I have a smile in my heart and tears in my eyes...
I think everything will be fine as long as I am not looking...

6 comments:

Lena's Life said...

call me!!!!

Lena's Life said...

OK, you dont have to call me you answered my question! lol!

Daily dose of Dana said...

ya this is my little letter to life -no one but me and my life... ya know a little hold your breath here I go Jump in, and hope I come back up!!!!

HB said...

Dana, you are fun and sparkely and so caring at the same time. The world should watch out for you!!

Crazy Mama said...

I hear ya sista

Jeff said...

I love your blog titles. They're my fav. But anyway, I have just started to realize that I can't be happy unless I put my own feelings first. No one is going to be looking out for me except myself. Once you're happy, then you can start making other people happy!