Thursday, December 27, 2007

December 21, 2007 - I will miss you Jake...

On Friday we got out of work early and I went home to find my little dog in distress. It was so sad - he def. wasn't feeling well and after he collapsed in the stones in the backyard in front of the pool and just layed there in the rain I knew it was off to the animal hospital we had to go. I hated to do that to him because there were def. 2 things in life Jake hated and that was the rain and taking a ride in the car. I knew if he was laying in the rain there was a problem. My heart was breaking the whole way there, and he was so good in the car for the first time ever and so I was reassurred this little guy was sick, I am not even sure he knew he was in the car. We have had Jake for 15 years and he has been such a part of my life - I wanted to put him in a doggie tux and take him to my wedding but I wasn't sure if that would go over well with Father McCormac, but anyway when we first got him I was 15 and I hated him. He was so cute and so little but he was causing such an abrupt change in my life. My social life was immediatley paused because I had to stay home and take care of a dog that I never even asked for, he couldn't be alone so someone had to stay with him and of course I fealt like that person was always me. But after a little while and as he got used to our house it was fine. As time went on he became my little sidekick, always following me everywhere, getting in the way of everything I tried to do, and at night seriously the little guy would crawl up on my bed and nuzzle himself as close as he could get to me. He also liked to sneak out of the yard one time I followed him all the way to Dogwood, if you are familiar with the area its two sections over and across a major highway. Needless to say when we were at the animal hospital and they urgently grabbed him from me - my heart broke and i burst into tears. I think in my heart I knew he was really sick and I knew he had lived soooo long and I just knew this was it. My dad was sadly trying to tell me this might be it, but I knew it and was in denial at the same time. Even when the doctor said lets give him a shot, lets see what happens through the night and we will talk some more tomorrow. I stood there and shook my head at her as if to agree with keeping him stable as long as possible and then in disagreement about talking tomorrow. My parents knew and so did I but I just didn't want to. At 7:15 they let us go back and see him - he was in an incubated cage - getting oxygen and on an IV, he had his paws crossed in front of him with his head down, so we couldn't really see his face, but he looked so comfortable not in distress like he was at home. I was happy to see him content at that moment and I was ok to leave so we did. Around 9:00 Billy came to get me at Michelles because Jake had passed on his own and we wouldn't have to have that talk tomorrow. I was so upset, my little sidekick was gone. Christmas Eve was seriously the worst day. I started wrapping my presents and he wasn't there standing on my wrapping paper or laying on the gift I was trying to wrap. I was no longer tripping over him or waiting for him as we came in from the backyard. I didn't need to feed him and he wasn't begging for a treat. I didn't have to carry him up the stairs or take him off the bed because in his old age those were major tasks for him. I basically had the worst Christmas Eve ever as I wrapped my gifts with tears falling down my face and the heaviest heart ever. I never thought I would feel sooo much like I do but there is a little hole in my heart now and it is a hole that Jake used to fill and I will miss him always with lots and lots of love.

6 comments:

Beth said...

Oh Dana, I am so sorry. We lost the dog my parents had for 16 yrs last spring and even though I hadn't lived in the same house with her for 8 yrs, I was so upset. More than I expected to be. It is very tough to lose a pet. I will be thinking of you.

GESSYBELL said...

OMG - I am sitting here crying and the dog hated me, he barked at me everytime I was in your house and noone was looking!!! But I do know what it's like to lose an animal because they are part of your family!!

Amy said...

So sad... I remember when we lost my dog that I grew up with. I was just remembering how he was at Christmas the other day, and he died 6 years ago. I now laugh at the memories instead of crying...

michelle said...

i hope you are feeling better about it this week. as the days go on you will start to feel better. i'll miss "helen keller" when i come to visit!

J said...

I loved sitting on your back porch and then having him jump up and sit next to you. But not just next to you, pretty much on top of you, that's how close he was. And I would pet him behind his ears and when I'd stop, he would look up at me like, "Hello! Why did you stop!?" lol I love that guy! I will miss him a lot, too. Love you.

Tina said...

Dana, just read this - so sad - I'm welling up at my desk at work. I feel so bad for you - I know about that little hole in your heart. But just remember all the good times you had with him and the love that he gave to you unconditionally. That will get you through the rough days.